Paradise Lost

I've been in Paradise Penitentiary...in other words a fancy spa.  
For years, Jeff has given this to me as either an 
act of love, or a resuscitation of his sanity...
I'm never sure which.  
I didn't go last year, due to our little bike ride, 
so this year it's been an extended stay. 
This is a place that serves the needs of a variety of folks.  
This isn't just for the I-Want-To-Be-Beautiful crowd, 
it's also for the 
I've-had-a-loss/illness/scare/breakdown/dysfunction crowd.  
People watching could be fun...but I don't, out of respect.  
I'm part of the 
Could-We-Work-This-Kink-Out-Of-My-Neck-And-Backbend group.

Besides the compulsory laying of hands on your body and face with lotions and potions, 
you also have the ability to workout like a crazy person, 
or connect with the outdoors.  
I chose the former. 

It's a joy to be a participant, 
and not the person with the microphone, 
memorized routine, and prayers to the sound system.  
I get to choose whether or not I'm going to listen to the instructor, 
or develop a blank stare on my face as I do my own thing - 
half tempo.   
I have danced, folded, planked and plunked for days.  
But the best class has always been the spinning class.   
The room is amazingly filled with state of the art bikes, stereo, 
and lighting effects.  

I taught SPIN classes for a few years.  
I would choose rhythms and music, develop catchy phrases, 
and design "routines" all with the goal of inspiring and motivating.  
I was never a "yeller".
I'm more of a catch flies with honey, 
instead of vinegar, kind of instructor.  
Other than Coach Troy training DVD’s for our XC ride, 
I haven’t been in a SPIN class in years.

I was so excited to take the serious SPIN class 
offered here each early morning.  
This was going to be a part of my "13 new things in '13"...
to see if I could return to cycling every day, something 
my body and mind came to count on, without fail. 
I failed.  

I was fully embracing the variety of instructor’s music, 
routines, and teaching styles...until I got to The Yeller.
This instructor screeched, whooped, 
and threw out canned phrases of "encouragement"
which would have served me very well,
if I had chosen to train to be a Navy Seal.  
I'm not.  
That was it.  
I couldn't go today in fear that - 
that instructor – that prison matron,
would be returning (they rotate).  
I yell at myself enough, 
I don't need someone else doing it for me...
at an ear piercing volume. 
(If I think the music was loud, then...)  

And then I realized that I allowed one person's negative edge
impact all of my positive juju.  
I forgot that 
I could ignore her, 
do what I believed was better for my head, heart and health, 
and return to my purpose of this 13/'13 goal...
the joy of the bike, the music, 
and ultimately the ride.
I could be true to myself.
 
So, when I finally bust of this joint, 
I will continue with another new 13/'13...
just to be myself, 
act and react as necessary,
at all times…good juju and all.